Upstairs, Downstairs Page 7

  She’s thinking of Mizuki. He seems to fade away, yet she misses him. They have known from the beginning that their relationship wouldn’t be simple. He travels all the time and she can’t even find the courage to tell her mother about him. Yes, she feels confused and ambivalent, but still can’t wait to see him.

  *

  On the way to the concert with Paolo and Rodolfo, she can’t stop asking herself, “Why did I accept this stupid invitation? At this point there’s no doubt about it: I’m masochistic.”

  Walking over the cobblestones towards the club, careful not to trip, she also asks herself why she’s wearing those fucking high heels.

  “Anita, you’d better lean on me.” Paolo offers her his arm. “You look great in high heels, but the cobblestones are doing you no favours. I’m just looking after you: I’d like to take you to the concert in one piece!”

  They stop at the entry of Gazometre, a tiny red door.

  “Who are we waiting for?” Paolo asks.

  “My friend Alessandra. She was also friends with Daniel in high school. She’ll enjoy seeing him again…”

  “Wonderful! So it’s a real reunion.” Rudy, always enthusiastic, smiles at Paolo.

  “Lucky them!” Anita thinks. “They belong together and don’t care about what people think… they’ve found a balance that I can’t find for myself.”

  Alessandra joins them with a swinging step, despite her high heels and the terrain. She’s very sexy, wrapped in a tight animal print dress and with perfect make-up.

  The two friends kiss and Anita introduces her to Paolo and Rodolfo.

  Alessandra looks at Rodolfo with surprise, “Rudy! What a coincidence!”

  “Mrs Airoldi! What a pleasure!”

  “Do you two know each other?” Paolo is puzzled.

  “Of course! He’s a sales assistant at Versace. Actually Rudy is my favourite consultant! He knows my weaknesses, and has diabolical ways of making me spend money!” She laughs.

  Anita remains serious. She dislikes this attitude in Alessandra; how she patronises people that she considers subordinate to her, and it always revolves around money.

  “And where is your handsome samurai?”

  Paolo and Rodolfo exchange perplexed looks.

  “Don’t you know Mizuki? Anita hasn’t introduced him to you yet?”

  Anita is speechless. Alessandra knows perfectly well that she is the only one Anita has talked to about Mizuki.

  “He had some business commitment. He’ll join us later.” She replies coldly.

  “Don’t be sad. He’ll arrive sooner or later… I know something about business commitments – you know my husband!” She smiles with complicity. “But let’s go in, I can’t wait to see Daniel again!” And she takes Anita’s hand.

  *

  While going down the dark stairs to the club entrance, they hear a great round of applause.

  “It’s starting!” Alessandra, excited, speeds up.

  The trio have begun to play: piano, sax and double bass.

  “He’s playing…” Anita feels moved against her own will.

  A dim red light leads them inside. Daniel sees them and smiles, whilst the sax begins the musical chords of Felicidade.

  Olga comes over to show them to their table, just below the stage. “We booked this for you… aren’t there five of you?”

  “Yes, our other friend is on his way.” Anita whispers.

  “Enjoy the concert! See you later.”

  “Thank you!” Anita watches Olga sit at a table nearby with Maestro Rosis.

  They order drinks. Anita feels relieved that it’s so dark; she feels protected. Mizuki has not arrived yet. She looks at Daniel on stage; he is really a captivating musician. She takes two deep breaths and abandons herself to the music. In spite of the cheerful title, the piece is melancholic. The vocalist is amazing, yet Anita feels she’s on the edge of a cliff – just like the olive on top of Alessandra’s martini. She can’t take her eyes off Daniel. He moves with ease, immersed in the music – his element. He smiles: so far away and so close at the same time. She feels as if he’s playing just for her. And finally she confesses to herself that ever since she saw him again, she can’t stop thinking about him.

  *

  “So I was right.” Alessandra is brooding. “He never takes off his eyes off her! And he’s almost more handsome than when he was school.” Honestly, she has never been crazy about him, but she always sensed that he and Anita had something she missed. Now she feels set aside again, exactly like she was back in high school. Nothing has changed, in spite of her diamonds and gold bracelets, which aren’t fooling anybody. “Thank God, you’re here!” She thinks, looking at Olga, suddenly feeling as if she is an ally.

  The audience applauds. Anita’s thinking about calling Mizuki when Daniel takes the microphone. “With the next piece we’ll end the first part of our concert. Then we’ll take a break. This is Just Friends that I want to dedicate…” Olga’s eyes shine in expectation. “… to Anita and Alessandra, two friends whom I found again after many years. They’re here tonight!”

  Anita immediately recognises the song. She knows it very well. Daniel had played that piece for her on his tape recorder when they were just out of school and it had been the soundtrack of the first time they made love.

  Just friends, lovers no more

  Just friends, but not like before

  To think of what we’ve been and not to kiss again

  Seems like pretending it isn’t the end..

  “Excuse me,” Anita whispers to the others, “I’ll be right back…”

  Two friends drifting apart

  Two friends, but one broken heart

  We loved, we laughed, we cried, and suddenly love died.

  The song ends in applause. Daniel nods to Olga and moves back stage.

  The face Anita sees in the mirror has moist eyes and red cheeks. She adjusts her copper curls and leaves the bathroom, completely absorbed in her thoughts. She’s startled when she sees Daniel leaning against the wall.

  The corridor is dark and narrow. Anita stops. Now they’re in front of each other. Daniel’s eyes don’t seem to show any emotion: neither fear, nor pride. Anita looks down, her heart has begun racing. She tries to squeeze between him and the other wall, but Daniel has already put his arm round her waist, pulling her towards him. His lips are on her shoulder now. She wants to escape, but her body seems paralysed. When his hand caresses her back and moves up to stroke her hair, she knows she’s lost. Their lips lightly touch, then that touch becomes a passionate kiss.

  “Excuse me, Daniel…” the saxophonist interrupts them. “We’re on in about ten minutes.”

  Daniel looks at her with an uncertain smile; he looks dazed, a lock of hair falling across his forehead. Anita, deeply confused, turns and runs away.

  *

  “A scotch with just a cube of ice, please.” Anita asks the waiter, collapsing in her chair.

  Surprised, Alessandra turns towards her. Anita rarely drinks spirits, only in exceptional circumstances. She observes her friend more carefully… only in exceptional circumstances… Anita’s face, which was flushed before, is now as white as a ghost. Something must have happened. Maybe Mizuki has told her he can’t come… maybe. Instinctively she looks for Daniel who appears just at that moment in front of their table.

  “Alessandra! I wanted to say ‘hello’ to you. Nice to see you again. Look at you! Boy, you’ve changed…” and he kisses her with enthusiasm on both cheeks.

  Alessandra smiles at him, thinking he’s really become a great looking guy. Then she stands up and twirls around. “Years and years of meticulous studies! To get out of Garbatella hasn’t been easy, my dear. But you’re not doing so badly either… you look great!”

  “Look at her…” Paolo whispers in Rudy’s ear. “I can only imagine all the effort she’s made to become what she is now: sophisticated and empty as a shoe-box, without the benefit of the shoes of course!”

  “So,
how do you like this place?” Daniel asks cheerfully, sitting next to Anita. One of his legs touches Anita’s and she feels an electric shock run up her spine. She swallows her scotch in one gulp.

  “I was thirsty.” It’s the only thing she can say, feeling everyone’s eyes upon her.

  “My love! Where did you go? I was looking for you.” Olga sits on Daniel’s lap with nonchalance.

  Anita looks down at her empty glass.

  “Do you need another one?” Alessandra asks wickedly.

  Anita can’t speak, overwhelmed by the feeling of that kiss, and maybe also by the scotch. But she finally can admit it to herself that she hates Alessandra at this moment.

  She wonders what happened in that corridor, why it happened, and even if it really happened.

  Maestro Rosis approaches their table with greetings. “So, Daniel, I understand you’re a great fan of Stan Getz…”

  “Yes, it’s true! Getz is a phenomenal musician. He, with the Brazilians and bossa nova… they really marked an era. Just Friends is an incredible piece, so evocative. Everyone has a story tied to that song. A lost love, a dreamed love…”

  “I can see how your eyes shine with passion. You’ve changed, Daniel. What I wished for you seems to have happened.”

  “Who knows? Sometimes there are forgotten emotions that – when you least expect it – resurface. But you’re right Professor Rosis, what I feel for Getz is like a great love.”

  “Do you remember what I used to say during our lessons?”

  “Of course I remember. Well, my boy, you lack passion. Find it, and you will be a complete musician!”

  “And, my boy,” Rosis continues, “it seems that passion has entered your life. I don’t know who should take credit for it – I really don’t need to know – but I’m very pleased.”

  Anita doesn’t know where to look, so she keeps staring at her empty glass.

  Olga takes one of Daniel’s hands, but he frees himself with delicacy.

  “Daniel! We’re about to start the next set…” one of the musicians calls him.

  He takes Olga back to her table, and before returning to the stage, he says jokingly, “Be good!”

  *

  Anita checks her watch, eleven thirty! Suddenly she remembers Mizuki. It’s not his style to be so late. She begins to worry and then she sees him.

  “Finally!” She waves.

  Mizuki sees her and walks towards the table. Four heads are now turning away from the stage although the music continues to play. Anita, Paolo, Rudy and Alessandra watch as Mizuki approaches.

  “Handsome man!” Rudy thinks.

  While Paolo reflects, “Interesting. Look what our Anita was hiding from us!”

  “Now here comes the best part! This is going to be fun…” Alessandra is sure about this.

  “Good evening everybody… sorry if I’m late.”

  “But what happened?” Anita attacks him. “Why didn’t you call me to say you would be so late?”

  “Actually I tried to call you several times. I had an accident while driving here. Nothing serious; just a fender bender, but I had to stop and waste time.”

  At that moment Anita realises she never checked her phone. Not once! A sense of guilt adds to her confusion and distress. She tries to change her tone. “Sorry, I didn’t hear the phone… are you ok?”

  “Hi Mizuki! Does Anita still want to keep you hidden?” Alessandra kisses him, leaving a lipstick mark on his cheek.

  The concert is ending with enthusiastic applause. Anita tries to regain control of the situation and introduces him to everybody. “I gave Mizuki his first tour when he’d just arrived in Rome.”

  Paolo and Rodolfo look excited.

  “Nice to meet you all. Anita often talks about you and the apartment.” Mizuki is shaking their hands when Daniel joins the table. A quick glance is enough for him to realise that Mizuki sits too close to Anita. He feels suddenly out of place.

  Everyone’s attention has now shifted to Daniel. Paolo and Rudy congratulate him enthusiastically. Olga arrives and kisses him, marking her territory.

  Daniel is confused. He looks at Mizuki. He’d like to smile and introduce himself, but he can’t…

  Mizuki looks straight at Daniel and nods imperceptibly at him, while caressing Anita’s shoulders.

  Daniel tries to swallow, but he fails and starts dry coughing.

  Eventually it’s Anita who introduces Mizuki to Daniel and Olga. “But now we have to go. I have to wake up early tomorrow morning. Thanks again for the beautiful concert. Goodnight.”

  “Bye, Mizuki,” says Paolo. “Come to see us sometime with Anita. We look forward to it!”

  They leave arm in arm and walk in silence to the car parked nearby – fortunately for Anita’s feet in those high heels! Mizuki opens the car door for her, then he gets in and starts the engine.

  11

  Dear Diary

  Mizuki’s face shows no emotion. He parks in front of the group of buildings. A scent of jasmine blends with the smell of the leather car seats. Anita doesn’t say a word during the ride home, but she keeps twisting one of her curls with her fingers.

  “It’s beautiful here.” Mizuki is the first to break the ice. “You never let me drive you home…”

  He admires the quiet atmosphere: the old buildings, the gardens, and the blue moonflowers blooming in the night. He feels Anita has excluded him from something precious.

  She still doesn’t speak, and yet doesn’t get out of the car. Then suddenly she explodes.“Mizuki, I can’t do it! Do you know how hard it has been for me to get where I am? I had to study a lot for my tour guide license… do you have any idea how many monuments there are in Rome? And then what to tell my mother? My father is dead; she’s alone… I can’t leave her to go to London all of a sudden! Do you really have to leave? And right now?!”

  “There are opportunities you have to take when they come up. You know how much I care about you, Anita. Otherwise I wouldn’t ask you to come with me.”

  She’d never heard Mizuki use this despondent tone of voice. Normally she would want to hold him, but that kiss with Daniel had completely shut down her brain. She feels angry, mostly with herself. “We’re in Rome, not Japan! I’m not a geisha who totally gives up her identity for a man, or who just wants to settle for a good marriage… I have a life, a job! And you know how much I love this city.” Her voice is rising. “And… I don’t think I even like London!”

  “Anita, did that musician by any chance put you in a bad mood?” Mizuki looks at her intensely.

  She’s now completely out of control. She’s nervously tapping her foot and messing with her hair. “What does Daniel have to do with it now? I already told you everything about him! It’s an old story, dead and buried. I have nothing else to say.” She looks out of the window. “Perhaps I could come and visit you. Later we can see… I promise, I would come to London every weekend, even if I have to spend all my salary…”

  “This is not what I asked you, Anita-san. I thought you understood.”

  Anita’s heart constricts; she feels as if Mizuki’s words have squeezed it like a sponge.“I’m sorry.” It’s the only thing she can say.

  “I think it’d be better if we didn’t see each other for a while.” Mizuki replies coldly.

  This sentence takes her by surprise, although it seems to be a logical reaction. What else could she expect? Yet Anita feels like she’s been hit by a truck. With tears in her eyes and a broken voice, she protests like a child. “How? Are you leaving me – ditching me like this? What’s going on? You never did anything like this before… it’s not fair!” When she senses the first tears starting to flow, she jumps abruptly out of the car and walks towards her building without turning round. She hears the engine start and then the car moving slowly on the gravel. Only when she’s near the door does she turn to see the lights of Mizuki’s car disappearing behind a curve.

  *

  She needs to be alone. She sits on the wall, in the dar
k, where she used to sit when she was a little girl. An astonishing clutter of thoughts crowd her mind. Voices in the distance… but they aren’t a figment of her imagination. They’re real and recognisable. It’s too late to leave, they would see her. So she makes herself small and hides in a corner.

  “Don’t yell! Don’t be hysterical, Olga… it’s late and people sleep around here.” Daniel tries to talk quietly.

  “You’re being unfair… I’m not hysterical. You’ve been neglecting me all evening.”

  “It’s not true!”

  “Yes it is! You didn’t even look at me, and you dedicated that song to those two! But come on, Daniel, exactly what do I mean to you?”

  “You… you’re a special friend.” He thought about his answer for a bit too long.

  “What does special mean?”

  “Well… for sure you are not my fiancée, like you’ve been telling everybody.” Now it’s on the table, he can’t take it back.

  A moment of heavy silence falls between them. He can’t see her eyes, but he’s sure they are now as cold as ice. “Let’s be honest, Olga. Being in a really serious relationship is something different. We haven’t known each other that long. Yes, we have good times together, but on the other hand we don’t see each other often, you know, because of our musical commitments…”

  “Ok, ok, I understand.” Olga cuts it short, fearing that the conversation might take a dangerous direction. “Let’s go to sleep. We’re both tired.” Her tone is reasonable now.

  But Daniel isn’t ready yet. “You go, take the keys… I want to smoke a cigarette, I’ll come in a minute.”

  Olga feels her fury resurfacing. She grabs the keys and leaves, muttering something in Russian. “Idi nakhuy.”

  *

  “What do I do now?” Anita is agitated. She heard Daniel’s voice and now hears his footsteps approaching. Instinctively she stands up. “Hi.” She mutters.

  “Hi… I didn’t realise you were here… I suppose you overheard everything.”